I wanted to make the title, “How Do You Handle Challenges?”, but I couldn’t bring myself to soften the blow that much.  I think how we posture ourselves during difficult times or difficult negotiations separates the pros from the amateurs much more than other scenarios.

The old adage that you find out who you truly are during the tough times.  Everyone can handle the good times.  There is really no challenge there.  But, how do you respond when the heat is on, when the boss calls you out in front of the team, when the bank shows a negative balance, when the server goes down, when the kitchen is too hot, when the spouse calls you a flagrant name, when the kid does that same daggome thing you have told him/her at least 1000 times NOT to do it?

Ouch, I think I have failed in at least all of these scenarios.  What about you?

I think the toughest thing for each of us to do is to act unemotional during emotional situations.  When is anger and frustration appropriate and when should we display them to others and when should we hold back.  Most negotiators say that you should have a poker face.

Emotion sells.  Flat out.  Not even a question.  However, during those tough times it is critical to understand that there is the potential to weaken your potential or position if the wrong scenario occurs.

Properly placed emotion is always a good thing.

So, how do you ensure that you are not “acting out”.

Here are 4 ways to check.  Ask these 3 questions and follow #4:

#1.  Is your anger or frustration based on something that you are perceiving or is it a true injustice to all mankind?  In other words, does it just affect you or others?

#2.  Is the person/thing you are angry or frustrated with have any true control over the situation?  Do they have the access or authority to handle the situation?

#3.  Will the display of emotion under proper control accomplish something that is of value?  Really!!!!!?

#4.  Slow down.

You will be judged throughout your life on how you handled the tough times, not the easy ones.  How do you want your family, friends, co-workers, supervisors, spiritual leaders and spouses to think about you?  Do you want to be remembered for the short fuse or long-suffering?

I know that when a tough situation approaches, I become much more deliberate.  I slow down and think.  We don’t have the luxury of messing up these days.  Too much of that ends up on Youtube.

Learn to be a superstar during the tough times and your relationships will blossom and your mind will be at ease.

Rob Wheeler