We all experience tough times in our life. These times challenge us and either stop us or help us to grow and “excel”. They either cause us to dwell on the problem or grow toward greatness in our lives.
My son Chris was diagnosed with Cancer. It was a tough thing to hear. 17 years old. Just beginning his life. Why him?
It brought back memories of both my mom and dad and how cancer ravaged their lives. My mom at 45, my dad at 64. Then Chris at 17.
There are many questions that you ask and many more that you want to ask, but never do. The critical thing is to NOT be a dweller. While you do need to address the issues and concerns, while you do need to empathize and comfort. You must chart a course and move on. There are 8 steps that you will proceed through during these times.
- Denial – There is no inconsistency or problem
- Mitigation – The person actually changes their underlying values to match the new moral platitude
- Justification – The Person changes the way they look at or interpret the problem or inconsistency
- Exploration – This is another form of denial where the person will actually investigate ways to argue the problem or inconsistency.
- Disassociation – Much like business associates do when someone is going down, the person tries to detach themselves from the problem or inconsistency.
- Rationalization – The person excuses the problem or inconsistency because of mitigating circumstances.
- Realization – The person comes to the conclusion of his or her error.
- Actualization – The person takes corrective action and fixes the Chaos that is affecting them.
The faster that you get to actualization, the faster you can help or be helped. Psychologist call this process cognitive dissonance. I am simple, so, I will call it Chaos. It’s that little feeling of incongruence while you are going through a struggle of some type.
Dwellers have a tendency to stop at the sixth step or before and never work through a problem. This can happen in relationship arguments, personal crisis, business meetings, and any other relationships.
They key thought is to move through the entire process to allow yourself and those inter-twined in the situation to move through that process as well. You may get out this list of steps to help with the process if necessary. Every rational person will understand that they need to move through these to get to the desired result.
You have a choice when you come to these “moments of truth” to move ahead or dwell. Which will you choose. Are you going to dwell in the cellar or excel to be your best.
Let me know what you think about it!!!
Robert H. Wheeler (Rob)
